Supportive touch, the research behind it, and why what we practise becomes stronger
When I first came across supportive touch, it felt awkward. Part of me dismissed it as a bit of hippy nonsense, and I had to let go of those judgements before I could really give it a try. What helped at first was knowing there was research behind it. Over time, though, through repeated practice, I softened into it. I no longer needed the research to convince me. I knew it was beneficial from my own first-hand experience of doing it. These days it comes naturally. My preference is to consciously hold my own hands, which helps me feel balanced, steady and soothed all at once. Having experienced the difference it makes over time, I now share it with the people I teach.
Where the Practice Comes From
The practice is most closely associated with Kristin Neff, whose work on self-compassion has shaped much of how it’s taught today. It’s one of the practices taught in the Mindful Self-Compassion programme she developed with Christopher Germer. When they first tested the eight-week programme in 2013, participants showed large increases in self-compassion compared with a waiting-list group. Neff’s explanation for why touch helps is that warm, caring touch activates the body’s care system. It releases oxytocin, a hormone linked to feelings of safety and connection. It also helps calm the stress response, in the same way a baby settles when it’s held. Our bodies respond to that warmth even when the hand is our own.
What the Research Shows
In 2021, a team of researchers led by Aljoscha Dreisörner tested whether a brief moment of touch could reduce stress. They asked 159 people to give a speech to a panel of judges, which reliably raises stress levels. Beforehand, some people received a twenty-second hug. Others spent twenty seconds placing their own hands on their body in a soothing way, and a third group made a paper aeroplane. Both groups who received touch had lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol than the paper aeroplane group. Most of the self-touch group chose one hand on the heart and one on the belly. They also rated their own touch as more pleasant than the hug group rated being hugged.
A more recent study, published in 2024, looked at what happens when people practise supportive touch every day. It was led by Eli Susman at the University of California, Berkeley. In the study, 135 students were asked to practise it for twenty seconds a day for a month. A comparison group practised tapping their fingers together instead. Many of the students found it hard to practise every day. When the researchers compared everyone who took part, including those who rarely practised, the touch group did no better than the finger tappers. But when they looked only at the students who had practised almost every day, the picture changed. Those doing supportive touch felt more self-compassionate and less stressed. They also had better mental health than those who had tapped their fingers just as regularly.
The Practice That Counts
What I take from this is simple: what we practise becomes stronger. It’s an idea Eli Susman explores in his new book, Micropractice, which I’ve been enjoying. The practice that makes a difference is the one we actually do. A long meditation we never quite get round to won’t change much, while twenty seconds we practise every day can.
That doesn’t mean twenty seconds a day can replace longer practice. Courses, classes and retreats are where many of us learn how to practise and discover what it feels like to be fully present. They deepen our practice in ways a short moment can’t. But small daily moments are how that practice finds its way into ordinary life. They only take root if we keep coming back to them. It’s the same thought I explored in a previous post, Start Close In: small steps, taken consistently, quietly add up.
A Practice to Try
I’ve seen this with people I work with one to one. When someone is struggling with a harsh inner critic, supportive touch is often one of the first small practices we explore. Sometimes we pair it with a few kind words they choose for themselves. Those who come back to it regularly often find it becomes something they can turn to when difficult feelings linger in the body. It can also become a foundation for other self-compassion practices, such as loving kindness.
Pause, and notice how you are right now. If something difficult is around, let yourself acknowledge it. Perhaps it’s a mistake you keep replaying, or a moment that left you feeling not good enough. Notice where you feel it in your body.
Offer yourself some supportive touch, wherever feels comforting. You might hold your own hands, as I do. Or you could place a hand over your heart, or one hand on your heart and one on your belly. Some people prefer a hand on the cheek, or crossing their arms in a gentle hug. There’s no right place, only the one that feels kind to you.
Feel the warmth and the slight pressure of the touch. Then offer yourself a few kind or encouraging words. You might try “I’ve got this”, “this is hard, and I can be kind to myself”, or “it’s okay to feel this way”. My own favourite is “may I live with ease”. Choose whatever phrase feels supportive to you.
Stay for twenty seconds or so, or longer if you’d like, and then carry on with your day.
Making It a Habit
If it feels awkward at first, as it did for me, that’s normal. I’d encourage you to approach it the way I try to approach all practice, with an open mind. The Buddha encouraged people not to accept teachings simply because of tradition or authority. Instead, he invited them to try the teachings for themselves and see what is true in their own experience. Supportive touch is no different. Try it for a while, and let your own experience be the guide.
To help it become a habit, try linking it to something you already do every day. That might be brushing your teeth, sitting down with your first cup of tea, or arriving home.
Try to notice what you do manage, rather than what you don’t. Perhaps you remembered to practise supportive touch a couple of times at the regular moment you chose. Maybe it found you in the middle of a difficult conversation, or you paused before starting the day. It all counts. And taking a moment to celebrate when you do remember makes it more likely you’ll come back to it.
Practising Together
As the evenings draw in, I have a great deal of admiration for everyone who keeps practising through the colder and darker months, when it can be so tempting to let practice slip, especially in the run-up to the festive season. If you’d like a little encouragement this winter, you’d be very welcome at either of my regular sessions.
Thursday Evening Meditation runs at 6.15pm, in person in Barnet or online from the comfort of your own home, with no experience needed.
Friday Morning Yoga runs from 9:30 to 10:30am at St John’s Church Hall in New Barnet, in themed blocks through the year, with all levels welcome.
And if you’d like support with building a practice that fits your life, I also offer one-to-one sessions, in person in Barnet or online.
Ruth McDonald is a BAMBA-registered mindfulness teacher and yoga teacher (BWY, trained). She teaches a weekly Thursday evening meditation drop-in and Friday morning yoga, and works with individuals and groups in London and online.
